


Constantly on the Cusp

by dramaticinsanity



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Nightmares, PTSD, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-27 03:53:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13872555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaticinsanity/pseuds/dramaticinsanity
Summary: Neither Cisco or Harry are feeling confident enough to make the first move. Harry tries to enact change in their relationship, but he miscalculates.~Addition: The rating is mainly for the 5th chapter, originally it was Mature~





	1. Phone Me

**Author's Note:**

> Last three tags do not apply to this first chapter.

 Cisco watches Harry pacing. It’s painful. He needs a break. Barry is out of jail, but Harry is fueled by them not being out of the woods yet. In fact, the forest seems to thicken and darken around them. Cisco can feel the branches clawing at him. A break will be mutually beneficial. He is refreshed today, after a relaxing visit to Earth 13 this morning. He went to invite Harry, but he found him asleep at his desk. The board was filled with head-spinning equations. He decided to let him have the extra rest, and he put a note on the door so no one disturbed him.

Harry continues to be disappointed in himself. He thinks he hasn’t really contributed to their attempts to defeat DeVoe. He isn’t needed on Team Flash, his daughter doesn’t need him. He doesn’t know where he belongs. The deaths of the bus metas, especially the recent one, it weighs on him. He hasn’t spoken to Cisco, or touched him, barely looked at him. Harry is too busy folding into himself. Yesterday, Cisco had barely been holding himself together. He can’t truly fathom Harry’s experience, but pieces of it take a familiar shape.  

Cisco could knock him upside the head, but it wouldn’t do any good. The slump of his shoulders and the creases in his expression tell the story. Harry isn’t making that much effort to hide his feelings. A part of him wants Cisco to notice, to save him from drowning. Harry could get high strung, desperate, when he felt helpless. Cisco is a little worried he might do something extreme.

Cisco walks in and holds out a hand in front of him. Harry jerks to a stop late, causing Cisco’s hand to contact him. Harry goes still and looks at his outstretched palm. Cisco pulls his hand from where it lingers on Harry’s chest. He flexes his fingers and drums them on the worktable. Harry puts his hands on his hips.

“What do you want?”

Cisco considers how to approach the matter. He mimics Harry’s stance, portraying that he isn’t put off. He doesn't want to be too blunt or leave any wiggle room. Harry is antsy. There is more beneath the surface, but prying would only make Harry close off. He has to relax first.

“You’re going stir crazy. I can see it.”

Harry frowns at the wrenches he’d thrown against the wall. There is a trail of glass on the floor. Cisco isn’t wrong.

“And?”

“You need to get out of here. Me too.” Harry opens his mouth to protest.

“Just the two of us! What d’ya say buddy, ol’ pal?”

“Never call me either of those things ever again.” Harry pauses, considering. “Fine. But no strip clubs or geek conventions.”

If he wanted to, Cisco could get Harry on board with cosplay. He will definitely revisit that notion. He pushes his hair back. He doesn’t even know why Harry brought up the other thing. It definitely isn’t Cisco’s scene either.

“Deal! I know this awesome place, outside of Central City.”

Harry moves back, guessing that Cisco is going to make them a shortcut. Cisco feels a buzz of elation. Harry is apprehensive. He can’t pass it up though, the chance of spending time with Cisco outside of STAR. Cisco opens a breach. Harry is still semi-awed by the sight. It warms him whenever it’s apparent that Cisco is getting comfortable with his powers. He is learning and advancing. He is so smart, strong, and capable. Sometimes, Harry actually feels humbled. He will take that to his grave of course. Cisco is staring at him, clearly worried his brain cells had malfunctioned. They step through the portal.

Harry is unsettled. It becomes apparent that they aren’t concerned over his appearance, beyond checking him out. Anyone else is too busy with their own nonsense or each other. Cisco convinces Harry to explore the crowd. Several people flirt and give him salacious grins. They are chased off when his demeanor makes it obvious he isn’t interested in a one-night-stand. Cisco sticks close to him. He takes comfort in the steady presence. He is vastly out of his element, as he hasn’t clubbed in a while.

He dances a little near Cisco, and even briefly  _with_ him. Harry feels a decade younger, and he allows himself to get caught up in it all. Cisco soon exhausts himself from his gyrations to the blaring music. He leans on Harry, causing him to cup his hand on Cisco’s ribcage. Harry is overwhelmed by his desire and convinces Cisco to get them drinks. He stifles his jealousy when Cisco flirts with the bartender.

It perks him up a little to be outside of S.T.A.R. Labs, but he can do without all the youngsters trying to grind on him. He slips from the heated stares and grabby hands. Cisco watches him, smiling at his awkwardness. There is an unpleasant sensation in his chest, that he knows to be jealousy. He can’t get rid of it. He doesn’t act like Harry is anywhere close to his. Despite the pain, he didn’t intervene between Harry and those showing interest. Harry on the other hand hadn’t seemed enthusiastic. Cisco feels a pang of sympathy. Maybe Harry just isn’t planning on moving on.

Harry collapses on the barstool beside Cisco. He shoots the bartender a stern glare, and he skitters away. Cisco had hoped to needle a discount or something out of him. It’s no big deal. Cisco grins at Harry, not looking the least bit disgruntled. Harry reaches into his pocket and reveals a fistful of varying sizes of paper. Cisco reaches out and reads one after the other. They all contain phone numbers, some with different messages, others with none. Cisco’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull.

“What? These --”

“They sort of handed them to me.” Harry’s helpless expression would be hilarious under most circumstances.

Harry implores him, “What do I do?”

Cisco gives him a sympathetic look. He puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry could be ready for a relationship after all. He is just too out of his depth. Cisco doesn’t know what advice he can offer.

“I don’t know call one?” Cisco starts to organize the scraps alphabetically.

Harry ponders that for a moment. “No one was particularly memorable.”

“Seriously?!”

“Hey, I didn’t ask for this. I can’t fathom why they’re interested in an old dog like me.”

“ _Old dog_ , Harry? You’re mature, experienced. Intelligent. Not to mention _unfairly_ handsome,” Cisco said. “You have this - let’s go with aura -”

“I don’t get this kind of attention on my Earth. You on the other hand - I’d think you would knock them dead.”

“Me?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Harry deadpans. “They should eat you up, you’re a total - uh objectively gorgeous, by any standards.”

“Yeah? I get nothing.”

Harry shoots him a baffled look. Cisco isn’t sure how to read him. He can’t believe that Harry thought people should see him as some kind of stud. Considering his dating statistics, he wasn’t long-term material. He isn’t so great at picking anyone up these days either. It’s partially do to his falling confidence. His flirting game is shit. That’s bound to happen, stemming from his current attitude. All he could think about during conversation was the disaster they would find beneath his cheerful exterior. What’s the point if it isn’t going to last? He turns out his pockets.

“See? Unlike you I even tried. I can’t pull off that approachable aloof thing you have.” Cisco continues, “They see you, this hot, lonely silver fox who will care for and cherish them. I’m just the random nerd who seems to follow you around.”

Harry scoffs, “I want a partner and an equal, not another child to look after.”

It isn’t completely true. He also wishes for someone who could calm him and enthrall him. Someone who would have him at their mercy, yet treat him with tenderness. Then he adds in undertones, “So it’s my fault? I was distracting them? Sorry that I -”

Cisco cuts him off. “No, no. Trust me, it’s not related. The only time I was noticed was by those who thought I might be your boyfriend, but I’m sure it was quickly dismissed.”

“They’d be disappointed wouldn’t they?”

Cisco has to collect himself.

“What?”

“What they see is an attractive, tall, dark stranger. In reality I’m just a snarky, bitter old man.”

Cisco snaps, “You’re not _that_ old. Or bitter, not as much as you used to be. Acknowledge your improvements, Harry. You’re a good person.”

Harry waves it away. “You’re the attentive and compassionate one, not me.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Cisco decides not to mention that Harry is more caring than he probably knows.

Cisco believes he is rough around the edges to hide the tender side of him, for fear of it getting used against him. He may never be considered kind-hearted, nice, or sweet, but he has a side that was devoted, loyal, and protective, almost to a fault. Harry doesn’t admit it, but hearing Cisco tell him he was good, it warmed him.

Harry smirks a little. “Just a vibe.”

“Oh-ho that’s clever.”

“Thank you. I’ve been waiting forever to use that one.”

Cisco rolls his eyes and tries not to giggle. He mostly succeeds. Harry hides a smile behind his glass. He can’t get enough of Cisco’s magical laughter and smiles. It transforms his face into something just as beautiful but new and shining. The way his curls frame his cheeks adds to the effect. He wants to trace his dimples and kiss his grin. Harry swallows some of his drink to soothe the sudden dryness.

“Regardless, here the first impressions are superficial. However, even people who get to know me - in a romantic capacity, mind - don’t seem to like those qualities enough to stick around,” Cisco tells him, voice dipping, awash with darkness. He chases it away with a sip.

Harry appears as though he wants to respond, but he changes his mind. It is probably for the best. He wants to tell Cisco that he is worth any trouble, that being with him would be an incredible experience. Cisco is a gift. He wouldn’t dare show his cards this clearly. Cisco shifts in his seat, thrown by Harry’s hesitation.

“Horrendous, in my opinion. They’re blind,” Harry eventually remarks, crossing his arms.

“Realistically their eyesight is fine. There’s something at fault with me.”

Harry stares, expression dead serious. “Any of these precocious young people would be lucky to have you, but they don’t deserve a moment of your time.”

Cisco stares into the glass he holds, wishing it has answers.

“You’re gonna make me blush here.”

Harry stands up abruptly and marches off into the swarm of bodies. Cisco watches him until he loses sight of him, then clenches his hands into fists in his lap. Even Harry is tired of his pity party. He should get it together. This is meant to be fun. He should have known better.

Harry reappears.

“Got this,” he says. In his hand is a small piece of paper. Cisco squints at it, waiting for it to explode or something. Harry sighs, and Cisco takes it cautiously to shut him up. Harry’s heart is pounding. His fingers twitch from the energy. He is tempted to sit on his hands. He holds himself still as a statue.

“I told you -” Cisco cuts himself off and shakes his head.

“It’s genuine, Cisco. I promise you.”

His gaze is intense, and Cisco can’t hold it for more than a few seconds. He nods.

Cisco examines the strip. **_Phone me sexy, xx_** is scrawled across it, as though an afterthought. Below is the number in much neater print. He sighs and pockets it. Who asks someone to “phone” them? Despite being in writing, it also feels like more of a casual demand than a request. Harry watches his eyes dance. He can scarcely breathe.

“He actually knows who it’s for?”

“Yes. He’s quite interested you.”

“Why not ask me out?”

“He’s -- shy. Been a while since he asked someone out,” Harry replies in a rush. “He needed a go between.”

Cisco thinks of his own feelings for the man in front of him that he keeps closely guarded. Harry asks for a refill but doesn’t immediately drink. He starts into the beverage, hoping Cisco can’t see him blushing. He hates the person who suggested he write that ridiculous message. He doubts Cisco will actually call. Team Flash would collectively facepalm at him for being such a wimp.

“Fine. Understandable.” Cisco takes a long gulp of his drink.

When Cisco looks up, Harry tenses and averts his eyes. Surely he wasn’t watching him take a drink? Cisco can’t think of how that could be enticing. Except. Swallowing, the line of his throat, the bob of his adam’s apple. He blinks and realizes he was gazing longingly at Harry’s throat as he took a swig. He itches to ravish his neck. Cisco could pull on his hair, bite him. His dick twitches in the confines of his jeans.

“ _Jesus,_ what is wrong with me,” he mutters.

Harry’s eyes dart up, and Cisco could swear his pupils have dilated. He had caught the edge of Cisco’s gaze. He had hoped to achieve this result, Cisco looks ready to vibrate out of his skin. Harry is thinking of burying himself inside Cisco, not just physically. It causes him to miss what Cisco uttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Noth- I just. Can’t even get more than one damn phone number, like per year. If I'm lucky.”

Harry closes his eyes, mentally sighing. “You never know. Maybe he’ll be the one and you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I wish.”

The night soon comes to an end. They drink a little more, talk about nothing in particular, then go their separate ways. Cisco nearly opens his mouth to invite Harry to stay at his place. It takes all of his willpower to resist. He could not handle having Harry’s enticing self around him, outside of working with Team Flash.

Nevertheless, he is enticed by the idea of seeing Harry every morning. And every night, excluding sleepovers at the lab because of an ongoing problem to solve. Possibly, he would see Harry while asleep, find out if he snored or drooled. Possibly, he would catch him stepping out of the shower, dripping and hair plastered to his head. He could pretend they were actually married, or something, minus -- well, all the important parts. It was too dangerous.

He slips into bed and stares at the piece of paper. The words and numbers seem to mock him. He might talk a big game, but he is still alarmed by someone finding him deserving of _sexy_. He doesn’t know if he is willing to take the risk of being disappointed again. It scrapes his nerve ends raw. Time is meaningless. He falls asleep clutching it.

Harry goes to his room at Star labs. He considers taking a cold shower to banish his arousal. Something inside him forces him to give in. He tears out of his jacket and shirt. He doesn’t even bother pulling his pants all the way off as he collapses on the bed. He spits on his palm and takes himself in hand. It is an embarrassingly short amount of time until he climaxes. Cisco’s name flies from his tongue and into the air. The emptiness taunts him. He removes the rest of his clothing. He curls up in bed naked, tingling with shame and loneliness.

 

 

«»


	2. Circles

Harry feels like death warmed over when he wakes up. The air is also cold on his skin, due to the sweat. The nightmares of dark events, old and more recent, fade in the distance. He closes his eyes. He pictures his daughter laughing, Cisco’s bright smiles, and cools himself with a series of deep breathing exercises. He rubs his arms, which are red from scratching himself in his sleep. He almost always dreams of blood, thick on his hands. It is the blood of people he loves. And it is his fault, his failure. But they are alive. He has their safety and wellbeing at heart at all times. He isn’t responsible for the actions of criminals or other soldiers.

Everything he has done is to protect them. He repeats phrases in his head. _The people he loves are safe. They are safe. He would keep them safe._ He is able to open his eyes and not feel like the world might crumble around him.

His mouth and throat are bone dry, his head pounding. He takes pills with a glass of water. He picks up his cell phone. A rush of adrenaline spikes through him, at the thought of calling Cisco, telling him how he feels. It could be easier not being face to face. His thumb hovers over the call button. He couldn’t do it. He sits with the phone loosely in his hand, staring at the wall.

Cisco wakes with a start in his room, yelling out. It takes him a full minute to realize EoWells is not actually in the room, about to crush his heart. Zoom hasn’t murdered Caitlin and Barry in front of him, he is gone. Reverb is dead, and he couldn’t shatter Harry to pieces without remorse. Savitar hasn’t killed Iris and indirectly crushed Barry’s heart. He reminds himself over and over, until it doesn’t feel like the shadows are going to devour him. Those nightmares make frequent appearances. He has experienced a new one tonight.

Cisco presses his palm to his chest and lets out few gasping breaths. He paws at his shirt. The imaginary pain weighing on him confuses him. He recalls his dream in a burst. Dante was standing in the middle of the road, yelling for him. Suddenly, they were inside a car. Barry was driving, going to fast. Cisco was desperately yelling at him to slow down. They crashed, rolling over and over. Dante was dying in his arms, pleading Cisco to avenge him.

He thinks Barry might have said something in the dream, but he couldn’t remember. He also was at Dante’s funeral. Cisco stood over his brother, laying in the casket. His mother wa weeping and wishing Cisco had died instead. Cisco cried too, red streaks, ugly and broken. Dante asked why Cisco didn’t save him, avenge him, how he could be so heartless. Coming back to reality, Cisco touches his cheeks. They were wet with tears. For a moment he thinks it’s blood, like in the dream.

He hates the vividness. It must be a side effect of his powers. The more he enhances his powers, the worse his nightmares get. He isn’t becoming a god, he’s getting dragged deeper into a ring of hell.

Those villains may be long gone, but it could be any day another power-hungry meta stole life from someone he cares about. The saddest part is, Dante wasn’t even killed by a serial criminal or metahuman. He died because Barry changed the timeline, but he didn’t even stick with it. Did that make Barry the villain in Dante’s story? He had forgotten his rage toward his friend. Cisco had worried he was overreacting, and therefore tried to push that grief down as far as it could go. His head starts to ache along with the fast beat of his heart. He resolves to contact his doctor for an evaluation once his tongue doesn’t feel so heavy.

He stumbles over to his window and leans out. He grunts and shoots an inconsequential vibe blast through the air. He reminds himself that he isn’t powerless, no one currently has a hold over him, and his friends are safe and happy. For now. He groans and drops his face into his palm, which causes the light noise of paper crinkling.

He raises the paper that managed to stay locked between his trembling fingers. He closes the window with a sharp jerk and throws himself on the bed. He tucks a pillow under his chest.

Cisco looks at the clock tentatively. One eye is squeezed shut and his vision is blurry. His head is pounding and it’s almost noon. He forces himself out of bed. He needs to move, or he’ll plummet. He shuffles tiredly about the kitchen and makes himself breakfast. He inhales the food and goes to Jitters for a coffee, to banish the remains of his headache.

Afterward, he takes the lazy route and whips out a breach to his apartment. He isn’t up to socializing yet, and Barry said they didn’t have to come in today except for emergency. Cisco is grateful, he doesn’t think he could stand him today. The nightmare hangs like a beaten flag on the forefront of his mind. He plops down on the couch to watch the remains of Wonder Woman from another night. He practically swallows his coffee in one gulp once it cools enough. His stomach is a mess, and he keeps looking at his phone.

As the credits roll, he takes a centering breath. Hands shaking again, he dialed the number.  It picks up after the first ring, as though the person had been staring at their phone, waiting. He feels a little guilty, but he did get quite a wake up call from his subconscious. A considerate man wouldn’t blame Cisco for needing to get his act together. He tries not to be too much of a spaz.

On the other side, Harry plays with a random tool to keep his hand from shaking. He can’t predict how Cisco is going to react.

“Hello. This is um. Cisco Ramon. Do you remember me?”

He is proud his voice doesn’t shake. Harry’s stomach flips. He almost hangs up. Harry paces to the other side of his room. He places an arm on the wall, clenching his fist. The last time he had been so nervous, he didn’t know another Earth existed.

A husky voiced fills Cisco’s ear. “How could I ever forget you?”

Wait a minute. “Wha - th’fuck. Harry?!”

“Ramon -”

“I don't need your pity,” Cisco replies coldly. “Leave me the hell alone Dr. Wells.”

Cisco presses the red button. He nearly flings his phone across the room. He can’t afford a new one. Harry’s stomach dropped at the words. He slides down with his back against the wall. A distressed moan escapes him. Cisco has never addressed him like that. Not even when they borderline loathed each other. Cisco drops his head into his hands with a groan. That was just low of Harry. Maybe it’s his sick, twisted way of trying to help. He feels more pathetic. But he won’t be played for a sap. Harrison Wells isn't going to make a fool out of him.

Cisco resolves to ignore Harry for at least a week. He manages a whole day. Harry does him the courtesy of not speaking either. He doesn’t touch Cisco, even a little. He keeps his hands to himself and his eyes on his board. It drives Cisco nuts. He itches all over to reach out to Harry. He thinks he might explode, but some poor soul would have to scrape him of the walls.

The next day he happens on Harry hunched over his big gun. He hasn’t noticed Cisco yet. Cisco once wondered if he was compensating. But thanks to his deviant doppelganger, Cisco has the size and shape of Harry’s penis half-erect tattooed behind his eyelids. It has fueled his naughty daydreams. He has to consciously stop from soaking his boxers around Harry, due to those indulgences. Anyway, Harry has no reason to be ashamed, his cheeky response “you’re welcome” was justified.

Cisco firmly reminds himself that he is supposed to be angry. His heart isn’t in it anymore. Trying to maintain the irritation is already eating him up inside. Cisco keeps a careful distance. He silently observes Harry. Harry pauses and rubs the back of his neck. He is wincing.

“Time to take a break Harry?”

To his credit, Harry doesn't startle. He lets out a sigh and doesn't respond. Harry gives his head a slight shake. He rolls his shoulders. Some of the weight lifts to hear Cisco talk to him directly. He can’t bring himself to look. He doesn’t know what he would find on Cisco’s face. Whatever his expression, it would likely cause Harry to break.

“Oh, it's that shitty cot again.” Cisco realizes that with little effort. Harry complained many times of the hard, lumpy thing.

“You're moving in with me.” Harry opens his mouth. Cisco holds up a finger. “No arguments! My awesome bed is big enough for both of us with comfortable distance.”

Harry shakes his head again. He doesn't deign to respond. The silent treatment? When Cisco is the one fighting back tears? He has some nerve. Harrison is a piece of work. Cisco huffs and leaves him to toil. He doesn't cater to that level of assholery. Harry just couldn’t dare to speak. He doesn’t imagine that anything he said could ease Cisco’s mind. He truly feels like an absolute tool. He doesn’t deserve Cisco’s forgiveness until he has something to say for himself. He is resigned to his fate of losing his friend. Had he owned an ounce of courage, in these matters, at least Cisco would’ve known his true feelings.

They spend the next few days shooting each other sour glances.

Harry talks around Cisco. He acts like Cisco is invisible.

Cisco tries giving him messages through Caitlin or Iris. That tactic just ends up in shouting matches or projectiles. Cisco stops, feeling bad for treating them like Potter owls. Cisco is baffled. Harry doesn’t have to show him friendship or kindness. Those expectations ended the moment Harry pitied his lack of a love life. Harry doesn’t seem to know the definition of civil.

Harry is frustrated. His affection for Cisco is burning him away like acid. Behaving normally would seem like a lie. Distancing himself is the only answer. Once his feelings peter away, maybe they can start over. Cisco’s lack of faith in the quality of his intentions astounded him. He knew what Cisco truly thought of him now. Unless that changed, they couldn’t be friends.  


«»

  


One day, Cisco hears Caitlin saying to Iris, “You’re the leader. You ask him.”

“You’ve known him longer.”

“Yeah but I -”

“Ask me what?”

Iris bites her lip. “What’s going on with you and Harry?”

“No idea what you’re talk -”

“Cisco.” Caitlin says, “Whatever he did, you two need to work it out. You’ve got about ten bags under your eyes, and Harry never gets anything done.”

“I - every time - what am I supposed to do? He either ignores me or mocks me.”

Harry walks by at that exact moment. Caitlin and Iris pull him up and pushes him toward Harry. He almost stumbles into him. Caitlin and Iris cough. Harry stops, stands there for a moment. He sighs and turns around. He looks somewhere over Cisco’s shoulder. He immediately detects their plans. He side-eyes them both.

“Harry. We should talk about -”

“Sorry. I’m very busy. I don’t have time for your senseless prattle Cisco,” Harry barks. “Make yourself useful and adjust… um. The satellite or something.”

“You need to adjust your attitude!” Cisco yells after him.

He keeps walking, spine straight. To Cisco, it seems Harry isn’t sorry at all. Maybe Harry has even figured out that Cisco is in love with him. He is avoiding Cisco so he wouldn’t show his disgust. Cisco is sick at the notion. He should let Harry avoid him. He wouldn’t be able to survive seeing his gaze skitter away or his mouth pull into a sneer.

Cisco gestures in his direction and says, “See!”

Iris and Caitlin shake their heads. Neither of these idiot boys could see what is in front of them. Iris gives Caitlin a look. She flicks her hand. It isn’t their place. Anything she or Iris would try to explain -- would probably make it worse. Cisco and Harry are as stubborn and hard-headed as they are loyal, hardworking, and brave.   
  


 

Harry steps into the workshop. He leans on a worktable and rocks himself for a moment. He brings a hand to his face, and his shoulders shake as he quietly sobs. He longs for Cisco to enter and tell Harry everything will be alright. But everything is wrong, so wrong. He picks up a marker and tosses it across the room in anger. He follows with a wrench, and a prototype he is working on to use against the Thinker. He kneels on the floor, shuddering and panting from the depth of his rage and pain.

Around and around they’ve been going.

Cisco is on a neverending merry-go-round, nowhere to go but circles and he can’t figure out how to get off the ride. Every night, Cisco stares at his phone. He contemplates calling Harry and sorting it out. He adds Harry as a contact, under _Wizard_. He will not call first. He isn't the one who messed up. The pain in his chest grew sharper. Relief cannot be found in pills. He practices his fighting skills. He builds and improves things until he near collapses from exhaustion. Harry is always in the back of his mind, when he wasn’t taking up the whole space. Cisco fell asleep every night with the phone in his hand and tears in his eyes.

It’s obvious how much his fight with Harry bothers him. He shrugs anyone off who tries to bring up Harry. Their attempts to be casual are horrible. He appreciates they care for his well being, but he just can’t.

Iris, Caitlin, Barry, even Joe try to reach him. They pull him aside during missions, or when they’re bouncing around STAR. They invite him out, he declines.

“Cisco you can’t go on like this -”

“Just give me time.”

“Cisco do you want to -”

“No thank you.”

“You might feel a little better if you get this off your chest.”

“Sorry, no. I need you to back off.”

So on and so forth. He knows it isn’t healthy. He needs time to heal from his current wounds. To accept and move on, the scars actually have to form. He’s bleeding, torn and raw. Sometimes he catches Harry watching him from across the cortex, but Harry does nothing to defend himself. Cisco thinks, he hadn’t really known the sensation of having his heart compressed. Regardless, his heart continues to beat. Every beat reminds him of the betrayal.

Harry feels like a dog chasing his own tail. Every night, Harry buries his face in his pillow. He fights back his own tears. He struggles more in the mornings with his nightmares. They are invaded with Cisco not caring as Harry is about to meet his maker. In some cases, it’s Cisco’s life draining, but still Harry cannot admit how he feels. His self-loathing consumes everything else. He cannot focus on his projects or equations, constantly flubbing them up. Team Flash are constantly shooting them concerned looks. They don’t intervene.

Every night Cisco wonders how Harry can be so awful. He wonders what’s wrong with him to invite such cruelty in his life. Every night, Harry considers returning to his Earth. But that would be cheating. He stays in this personal hell, because he earned his suffering.

 

 

«»


	3. Recovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Harry sings in his head is You’re No Good - Linda Ronstadt. He had this song playing in 2x5.

* * *

 

By the end of the weekend, Harry can’t take it anymore. He can’t sleep, he can’t concentrate. Cisco looks absolutely miserable too.

He doesn't know how to fix it. He needs a push. At the moment, Barry only cares about stopping DeVoe, and Iris in a similar state, though less aggressive. Cisco might have spoken to Caitlin already so that could be a minefield. The council of Wells, he would rather not consult them on matters of the heart. Last time, H. Lothario Wells saw fit to take matters into his own… pants. Or rather, out of them. Joe is often as bad at feelings as Harry.

Harry has one option. He makes a call.

“Hello DA Cecile Horton, it's Harry.”

“Hi. You can just call me by my first name. What’s on your mind?”

“OK Cecile. This isn't a bad time I hope? I'd like to come over and talk.”

“No, no it's fine. I'm glad you called.”

“See you soon,” Harry says and hangs up.

Harry drives to Joe’s place. The door opens fast after he knocks. He nearly hits Cecile on the forehead. She doesn’t have her version of the inhibitor on. He panics and casts desperately for something to drown out his thoughts of Cisco. One of his favorite songs come to mind. _Feelin’ better, now that we’re through. Feelin’ better, cause I’m over you._

“Come on in Harry,” she says.

It would be rude to suddenly decide the door hinges are more interesting. _I’ve learned my lesson, it left a scar._ He stays in her direct focus, trying not to betray his emotions.

“How are you?”

_Now I see how you really are._ Her eyebrows rise a bit, so he hasn’t completely succeeded. _You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good._ The heartache is too much to bear. Some of it is bound to slip through the cracks no matter what he does.

“Uh, you know. Fine. Normal.”

The tune continues in his head. _I broke a heart that’s gentle and true._ He pushes down Cisco’s sad brown eyes, his strained voice, his neglected hair pulled into a ponytail. _Well I broke a heart over someone like you._ He doesn’t want to stand before Cisco, see the suspicion and anger. _I’ll beg his forgiveness on bended knee._ He doesn’t want to give himself away, because then what would he have? He wants to hold his affection close, not to let it get burned. Not to have it be converted into vile disappointment. _I wouldn’t blame him if he said to me: You’re no good._

His fingers curl into fists. _You’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good._ He shoves them in his pockets and steps inside. _I’m gonna say it again._ Harry stands there, awkward and unsure. This is unfamiliar territory. He doesn’t have friends. He doesn’t know how to do this, aside from avoiding and misdirecting. _You’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good._

Because of Cisco, he’s gone soft. He wouldn’t mind, if Cisco himself wasn’t the source of his current self-inflicted wounds. _You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good._ Cecile’s hand hovers near his shoulder, eyes questioning. He nods and her hand drops to his shoulder, the barest touch. _Baby you’re no good. You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good._

She asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“No thanks.” Harry could use a drink. But alcohol will not solve his problem. If anything, he’s likely to call up Cisco and drunkenly confess. _I’m gonna say it again._

Cecile’s eyes bore into his. He scratches his neck and doesn’t speak. It’s obvious she’s waiting for him to mention the reason he called. His tongue is lead. _You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good. Baby you’re no good._

Harry spies Joe from the corner of his eye. He’s surrounded by pieces of what appears to be a crib. Harry tucks his arms together and smirks as he takes in the sight. It brings back memories. Joe's grumbling to himself and looking at the directions from different angles. Cecile follows his gaze.

“He's having some difficulty.”

Harry smirks. He gestured at her growing belly. “Isn't it a little early?”

“Well I advised him to do something. He wouldn’t stop thinking about what could go wrong with my pregnancy and the birth.”

“Oh.”

“But he insists that I do enough, and he can figure it out alone. Stubborn man.”

“Maybe I could be of assistance.”

“By all means.”

She relaxes, sipping a lemonade through a straw. She watches Harry approach Joe. She knows he's avoiding whatever he called her to talk about. The song he has on repeat in his head confirms Harry’s nervousness toward the topic. According do Joe, he's been squirrelly around his friend Cisco. She doesn’t need to be a scientific genius to unravel that puzzle.

Harry gently tugs the directions from Joe.

“Ah. Here's the issue,” Harry says, pointing at the construct, “this piece is backwards.”

Joe slaps his forehead. He and Harry set to correcting the mess. Joe looks up. Cecile hears he’s thankful that Harry showed up. If anyone can get past his stubbornness, it's Harry. If only he could help Harry overcome his own. Joe examines Harry in his peripheral. He can tell there's something bothering him, even though he can't read minds.

From their efforts, a safe and sturdy crib is born. Joe feels at ease, his mind a calm pond. Harry has a swell of accomplishment, pleased to put himself to the task and getting a successful outcome. It’s a balm to his frustrations with Cisco.

“We made a great team,” Joe says. They clasp hands briefly. “Let's have lunch.”

Cecile heads to the kitchen. Joe follows and embraces her. They kiss softly, whispering to each other in between.

“I’m amazed you didn’t end up killing each other.”

“I know right? The expression on his face when I mixed up the nail with the screw -”

“And when Harry wrestled that one piece from you -”

“I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley, that's all I'm saying.”

“You could take him.”

“That's sweet but Harry's tougher than he looks.”

“He looks like a twig.” She distractedly places her hands on her belly. “And I'm a balloon.”

“You're beautiful.”

“You're obligated to say that.”

“I'll show you obligated. Uh, I mean,” he clears his throat, “later obviously.”

Light laughter floats from them. Harry checks over the crib to give them privacy. He has an ache in his chest. He expects it to be for missing his wife, and it's there somewhere. But it's drowned out by his longing to have this domesticity with Cisco.

Joe steps into the doorway and glances at Harry. He’s tense and restless. He focuses on getting out the dishes and preparing the stove, while Cecile cuts vegetables. Harry leans on the doorframe, jealousy spiking for what they have. He shoves it away. He brought this on himself.

“Can I help?” He hopes not. He hasn't spent longer than two minutes in kitchen doing anything other than eating in years.

“Nope, we've got it covered, Harry, thanks for offering,” Cecile replies. He is not ashamed of his relief. He would probably set something on fire.

The meal looks great, but his stomach is in knots. Harry stares at his plate, picking at the food listlessly. He tries to work up the courage. He can't quite find the words. Joe and Cecile share a loaded glance.

“You’d better take this one,” Joe whispers.

“Harry.” She pats his hand. He reluctantly moves his eyes away from the plate. His hand is clenched on his fork with anticipation.

“You want to talk about why you were blaring _‘You’re No Good’_ in your mind earlier?”

Harry takes a long swig of wine he had poured himself. He guessed he would want it for this inevitable conversation. Avoidance only works for a minimal stretch of time.  

“It's. It's Cisco.” Harry winces at the sound of himself. His tone dripped with his self-loathing.

“Because you're in love with him? Have you told him yet?”

Harry brings his hand up to his face. He tries to cover his blush. Underneath the nastiness when he's upset, he truly appears to them to have a soft heart.

“He’s what?” Joe is incredulous. Cecile pats him on the shoulder. She doesn't want him to embarrass Harry further.

“Mind reading remember?” Cecile continues, “He tried to hide it - with gorilla scat and mentally yelling obscenities - but I got enough of a peek to put two and two together.”

Harry groans as though he’s been kicked in the ribs. His ears are reddening now.

“I think you two are just the cutest. But you need to get your act together.”

“I don't know how.”

“My very wise advice - call him. Be honest. He’ll appreciate the effort.”

“If he doesn't like me back,” Harry says and fists his hair, “he might not want to be around me.”

He accidentally projects how much he wishes someone would hug him. Cecile walks around the table. She opens her arms slightly. He nods and leans in. She wraps an arm around his shoulders, giving a little shake. It’s not as wonderful and internally melting as an embrace from Cisco, but Cisco affects him in a certain kind of way that can’t be replicated.

“Are you kidding?” Joe cuts in, “You had a rough start with everyone, but it's clear Cisco has grown more than fond of you.”

Cecile nods, gives Harry a final pat. She rejoins Joe.

“I tried to let him know. Sort of. He thinks I'm just pitying him.”

Cecile sighs. These men in her life are ridiculous creatures who over complicate everything. But she loves Joe, and she cares about Harry. At least they have her to point out the obvious.

“The only thing you can really do is swallow your pride and talk it out.”

Harry is worried he will just hurt Cisco further. But Harry would rather it be awkward then Cisco hurting like he is. It could be worth the shot, if it becomes something amazing. He smiles at Joe and Cecile.

“Thank you. I'll reach out to him.”

 

«»

 

Cisco attends a group grief session at the beginning of the week. He’s finally facing that he never moved on to acceptance. He had compartmentalized, until his anger wasn't at the forefront.

Lisa is there. He had to email her about her brother a while back. She had been in hiding.  He passes on the first few questions, before gathering the courage to answer. He weeps in front of everyone as he recollects a happy memory of Dante. Lisa reaches for his hand.

He tells them about his frustration with Barry. It’s somewhat difficult sharing that he’s indirectly responsible, without giving specific information. Regardless, it feels good. Something in his chest might have loosened. He and Lisa hold hands the entire time, even though their palms get sweaty. She rubs his knuckles when his voice shakes with months of repressed rage.

Afterward, Lisa stops him at the door. She pulls him in, and they hug tight, nearly squishing the air out of each other. He invites her to his apartment for a friendly hangout. He’s surprised when she says yes. He guesses there’s no underlying awkwardness from almost sort of dating.

Cisco makes popcorn and puts on Thor: Ragnarok. Lisa is sceptical at first, she isn’t a huge fan of Marvel. Which is understandable, they are problematic in some ways. Soon they’re giggling up a storm and discussing the plot. Lisa has an unexpected fondness for licorice, much to Cisco’s annoyance. She teases him by holding the package out of his reach until he’s force to tickle her. Unfortunately, she’s not very susceptible.

“Please come on. I need my fix,” he begs. His candy cravings have hit him like a truck. He enjoys them in general, it’s when he needs comfort that it gets worse.

That must be satisfactory, because she passes him all of three pieces. He receives three more for a convincing pout and puppy eyes. For now, his troubles become distant, not as much weight on his shoulders. After the credits fade out, Cisco drops his head back with a light groan, too full of popcorn to move a muscle. Lisa feels the same and stretches out with a sigh.

“I'm still not over that wormhole named Devil’s Anus,” Cisco remarks.

“I think it has an unfair reputation. It's been pegged the wrong way.”

Cisco snorts. “You did not just say that. You're so bad.”

She grabs his arm. “How about a quick game of screw, marry, or fight?”

“Let's do this,” Cisco says, “Valkyrie. Loki. Doc Strange.”

She stares at the credits in thought. “Definitely marrying Valkyrie, that is some woman. I can't pass up fighting Loki, he’s got tricks? Well I've got mine.”

She smirks. “Stephen’s not really my type. But he was sexy in the cape and facial hair. I’d roll with him for a few nights.”

Lisa draws her fingers along his jawline. “I think you'd look good with a beard.”

He moves away. Once upon a time, he might have jumped on giving it another shot. Then Harry happened. Even if he wanted to, he can’t take his mind off Harry. “Whoa there. My heart belongs to someone else.”

“Ok. Your turn. Bruce. Heimdall. And… Valkyrie.”

“Sparring with Valk. She'd kick my ass, but I have no chance of the other two. Ten out of ten would bang Heimdall because wow.”

“So marrying Bruce?”

“Yep.. he’d be a doting and respectful husband, I’m sure. Let’s see. Grandmaster, vs Thor, vs Hela.”

“Ah. Marrying Grandmaster, could be a fun scenario, although monogamous I think he is not. I wouldn’t mind, long as he’s upfront about it.”

Lisa taps at her mouth in thought. “Fucking Hela 'cause how could I not. Obviously I’m gonna fight Thor. Get my hands on some Asgardian gear first for effect.”

“That’s fair. I can totally see you as a badass warrior like Sif.”

“You know it. So, Snow, Rathaway, Wells. Earth two I mean.”

Cisco thinks he misheard. There’s only so many notable characters in the movie, but there’s also other movies. He narrows his eyes. “What? Those are real people that I know.”

Lisa holds his gaze. “I'm aware. Let's hear it.”

She can see something is bugging him, and she’s determined to get to the bottom of that well.

“Um. I’d… fight Caitlin. I guess, it can be a verbal battle? Definitely rather one-night Hartley than be tied to him. And… even theoretically, I couldn’t cross that line with Cait.”

“So you'd marry Wells? Seriously?”

“What can I. Say. I've got a thing for sweet, angry, bitter, older, and slightly mad scientists.”

“I have no response to that,” Lisa says.

Lisa has no space to complain about her bafflement. She’s the one who opened the jar. Cisco shrugs a shoulder. He’s a little concerned admitting it to someone. He’s not ashamed or anything, but Lisa doesn’t know Harry like he does.

“But… you're not actually dating him?”

“No way. He thinks I'm a loser and just wants to pity date me. Hell, he'd probably fuck me if I begged,” Cisco elaborates.

He’s extremely relieved to tell someone. Lisa raises her eyebrows. He waits tensely for her response. She searches for something, that sounds like what a friend would say. She wants to support him without prying.

“I don't know him… but if that's the truth I will personally kick his ass.”

He waves her away.

“Not necessary. It sucks, but I'm giving him the c -” Cisco pauses and gropes for a different idiom. “Uh. Giving him the silent type treatment until he apologizes.”

He almost said cold shoulder. That didn't seem wise. For Lisa there’s still a hole where her brother was. And she’s miffed no one thought to tell her except Cisco. Sure, they were closer than she was with Barry and Caitlin, but it remains they didn’t even look her up. They didn’t make sure she was alright. But Cisco did. He’s an amazing person, she hopes this Harrison Wells can get over himself.

“Nice save,” Lisa notes. “Do you really believe he thinks of you like that? I thought you were friends. You mentioned him a lot in your emails.”

“Did I?” Cisco feels his face heating up. “I told him my dating game was off, so he apparently gets me someone else’s number.”

Lisa leans forward curiously. Cisco hesitates before his next words. Now that he’s about to say it out loud, the whole situation seems stupid. He’s been burned a lot, but he knows, beneath the anger, that Harry couldn’t have really wanted to hurt him.

“It was him, his number. Just - who does that?”

Lisa throws back her head and laughs. Cisco crosses his arms. He doesn’t see what’s funny. The situation is kind of ridiculous. However, he can’t stand being mocked on top of everything else. She notices Cisco bristling and swallows back her amusement.

Lisa has to level with him, “It sounds like he was scared. To ask you out. To your face.”

Cisco considers that. He can’t read Harry’s mind, much as he pretends to know what’s going on with him. He had referred to himself as old, bitter, etcetera. It’s all too easy to infer that he might have been intimidated by the prospect of asking Cisco out. From Harry’s perspective, Cisco might have reacted badly, been angry or disgusted or teased him for his feelings. He wishes he had seen it sooner, but he was too blinded by his own lack of self esteem in the matter.

He nearly asks Lisa to literally slap some sense into him.

“Possibly. But I’m not calling on the likely, solid eighty-eight percent chance he only feels bad for me. I’m not embarrassing myself further.”

“Boys,” Lisa says shaking her head. “Well if he calls again, promise me you’ll _talk_ to that poor sap. You’re not doing yourself or him any favors.”

“Promise.”

 

 

 

«»


	4. Even

Harry has to set this right, even if things would never be the same. Upon waking, he only relieves his bladder. He picks up the phone. His hand shakes like a leaf as he dials. He types the number in wrong twice. He bites his lip and listens to it ring and ring. Cisco has every right not to pick up. Harry hadn’t been fair to him.

Cisco’s phone jolts him awake by belting a verse of “Accidentally in Love”. He glares at the time on the digital clock. It is no-fucking-thank-you o’clock in the morning. He answers without thinking. “Yeah?”

“It's me Harry, pleased don't hang up.” Cisco hears him exhale a shaky breath. “There's little else I care about more than you.”

Cisco had forgotten Harry had access to his number. Shit.

“Is this some kind of a joke! It’s not funny,” Cisco shouts, clutching his phone tighter. He grits his teeth, wanting to hang up without another word. But he wants an explanation. Harry winces but doesn’t pull the phone away from his ear.

“Please Ramon. It’s not a joke,” Harry has dropped his voice to a soft, pleading tone.

Cisco counts back from ten – no twenty – then takes a few deep breaths. Harry waits through the silence. He would give Cisco the time to gather his thoughts. The apprehension puts his stomach in twists.

Cisco sits down, leaning his head back with eyes closed. This is the last thing he had needed, this betrayal. Even on a small scale, it cut him deep. He had to get to the bottom of this. He thought back to that one night, what Harry had said. Harry couldn’t have done that purely to stroke Cisco’s ego. He rarely bothered to bleed compliments unless he really meant them.

“You meant everything you said? That night at the club.”

“Of course,” Harry replies quick as lightning.

“I need to look you in the eye to be sure.” Cisco offers, “How about Jitters? You’re buying since you woke me up so early.”

Harry feels a rush of relief. “See you there.”

He vibes to Jitters, outside of course. He doesn’t want to scar anyone for life. He has to vibe back to his apartment when he realizes he didn’t brush his hair or teeth or change his clothes. He’s such a hot mess. Once refreshed and well-dressed, he heads back to Jitters. He didn’t want to walk there or anything, it would give him too much time to think and second guess himself. He orders for them both and sits down. He drums his fingers then clenches his fist in annoyance. A bit of time passes, he gets the coffee. He thoughtlessly tries to take a drink and ends up sputtering because of the heat. He gazes with longing at the door, contemplating leaving. He would never hear the end of it if he stands Harry up, though.

Harry slips through the door behind a giggling couple. It’s almost poetic. He keeps his head down and sits across from Cisco. He gives him a hesitant smile. On anyone else, it would seem shy, but this is Harry.

“So here we are,” Harry says.

Cisco stares at him and feigns nonchalance. “Yep.”

Harry’s eyes flick down when he pops the last letter. Cisco takes a noisy slurp. Harry hasn’t looked away, so Cisco tests the water by licking his lips slowly. Harry mimics it, leaning forward. Cisco sets the cup down hard. Harry jerks back, spine going straight. He clears his throat and sips on his coffee.

“I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was a coward,” Harry confesses. “And the answer is yes. To moving in.”

Cisco nods and chews the inside of his cheek. There is a quiet moment, before Harry details his process of miniaturizing and then repurposing the cerebral inhibitor. Just like that, the tension breaks. He is surprised Harry so eagerly offered his assistance. Then again, underneath the roughness, he does know Harry is a kind person.

If anyone could handle those rough parts and see the goodness, it’s DA Cecile Horton. As Harry keeps calling her. At least she wouldn't have to worry about the sudden telepathy anymore, once the baby was born. Instead a screaming infant would keep them awake.

Harry is happy to engage Cisco. He spins some thoughts about creating mental communication devices. Cisco is intrigued. It could certainly help with Harry’s reticence. For any amount of time Harry spent away, he missed their science talks. He missed everything. He shouldn't have even bothered leaving. He is wanted on Earth one, not there.

“I’m still. Amazed. You’re interacting with someone outside of the team.” Cisco adds, “Not that I don’t think you’re capable, but you tend to be your own obstacle.”

“Well. She's a poised, intelligent and respectable person,” Harry explains. “Not exactly intolerable company.”

“Aw, Harry that's so cute!”

Harry averts his eyes. He shrugs. “Doesn't mean she likes me.”

“But you're trying. I'm proud of you baby.”

“Don't call me that.”

“Anyway. Your contributions really do matter,” Cisco remarks.

Harry presses his mouth on his knuckles. He’s at a loss. He still doubts himself. The invention had failed. Maybe it’s a stepping stone. Getting the idea from Cecile’s problem, has to be meaningful. Otherwise they are helpless, treading water while their enemy lurked beneath.  

“I guess you conveniently forgot Savitar mentioning the inhibitor,” Harry comments off-hand. He narrows his eyes suspiciously.

“Yeah.” Cisco drinks from his coffee pointedly.

Harry raises an eyebrow when he doesn’t elaborate. Cisco forges onward.

“What has you on edge? I mean, beyond the usual.”

“I’m - I’m so frustrated. My daughter hates me, I can’t outsmart DeVoe -”

“Woah, no. Jesse does not hate you, Harry. Where the hell would you get an idea like that?”

Harry continues, “When I went back to my Earth, checked on her team. She was all, what _are_ you doing here? I told her I’m not in exile.”

“Did Jesse really kick you off?” Cisco is still baffled by that. Harry is a hardass, but Jesse must know he does it out of love. Mostly.

“More or less.” Harry admits, “I do understand I was pushing them a little too much. She confronted me.”

“She blames… she thinks I haven't let go of her mother.”

“And how did you respond?” Cisco’s heart jumped. If he hasn’t moved on, he doesn’t know where that left him.

“I may have - I said something like,” Harry’s forehead scrunches as he recalls. “I guess these miscreants - if they can’t handle - they don’t deserve my help. I said I would take it elsewhere.”

Harry gestures up and down himself. Cisco laughs in a disbelieving, airy way. He shakes his head. He rests his hand against his mouth, then brushes it over his face. He couldn’t stop chuckling. Harry folds his hands on the table and glares at him.

“You are so _full of it_ , Harry!” Cisco rewinds a bit. “Hold on, what did you say about your -”

“Not yet, but I can be. If you’re up to the task,” Harry replies. His tone is sardonic but his eyes communicate something else. His pupils are larger.

Cisco swallows hard. The logical part of him knows Harry is deflecting. But his libido has taken the wheel. One of Harry’s hands is curled on the table. Biting his lip, Cisco reached for it, fingers gently brushing. Harry twists his hand to smoothly entwine them with Cisco’s. He is smiling wide, the barest of teeth showing.

“You believe me then?”

“Yes. But, one step at a time okay?”

“Can do.”

Harry and Cisco rise from the seats, grasping each other’s hands. Their lips meet across the table. Silky peace envelopes Cisco. His internal organs melt. Harry settles into orbit. He coasts on the rush of good feelings. He’s a little unbalanced when Cisco pulls away, and he hangs on tight.

“Well barring another random attack on Central city,” Cisco says, “I think I’ll go home and chill.”

“I’ll walk you home. I don’t have to move in today but -”

Cisco is delighted by this prospect. He intertwines their fingers again, swinging their hands cheerfully. Harry smiles and kisses him on the forehead. He called it _home_. The word felt right in Harry’s mouth. He’s more at home here with Cisco by his side. And they walked hand in hand, Harry grasping him like he might suddenly vanish. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off Cisco either. The afternoon sunlight looked good on him.

He whispers, “I’m sorry again, I should’ve considered the potential consequences.”

“I overreacted and didn’t give you a chance.”

“That’s not completely unjustified. We both messed up, but let’s agree not to jump to conclusions,” Harry offers.

“It - it probably won’t be easy. I’m lacking self-confidence and you tend to be reserved when it comes to personal and emotional matters.”

“Two people who love each other find a way,” Harry replies softly. “I mean -”

Cisco kisses him silent. They don’t have to peer into that word choice right now. Harry stops to look at him for a moment. He brings their hands up and kisses Cisco’s knuckles. The scenery passed as they made gradual progress. Cisco thinks he could spend forever just walking together like this. Too quick, the building appears before them.

Cisco asks, “You didn’t mind taking the long way?”

“It’s good for the heart. And I’m not exactly out of shape.” Harry gives Cisco’s belly a playful poke. Cisco giggles and bats him away.

“Hey!”

Harry smirks. He opens the door and gestures for Cisco to pass.

Cisco gives Harry a quick tour. He tells him his bedroom is absolutely off limits, along with his special drawer in the bathroom sink. He has free reign elsewhere. At the end, Cisco opens a breach. Harry would need to get his things from STAR, preferably fast. It isn’t that late, but a Harry Potter marathon is due on television. He has all the DVDs, but this way he could be lazy. He wouldn’t have to get up to change the disc. He really should invest in a digital library.

Harry reappears. He tosses a duffel bag behind the couch. On the couch, he places a couple of pillows and blankets. He hugs Cisco close. No words need to be spoken. Cisco tells him about the marathon, and Harry is all in. Harry has read the books, but he’s never gotten around to watching more than three movies.

 

«»

 

Cisco awakens from another nightmare. He heard someone yelling. It was him. He snaps his jaw shut and blinks. He is coated in a fine layer of sweat. He pressed his hand against his chest, willing the stinging sensation to dissipate. He glances at Harry’s form, covered in a blanket. He raises his head to look at Cisco. Their hands find each other, briefly clasping.

He stumbles out of bed. He bumps into walls several times on his way to the bathroom. He sees his nightmares in each taunting shadow. Blood is rushing in his ears. He kneels and drops his forehead on the edge of the tub. He starts the shower without looking up. He sheds his clothes and crawls in once it’s the right temperature. He sits there for a moment, arms around his knees. He focuses on calming his breathing. He braces himself on the wall and moves to stand. He feels uneasy when he closes his eyes. When the water hits his face, he flinches and nearly slips.

He needs something to distract him. He thinks about Harry, his sky blue eyes, the warmth of his hands, the movement of his slim hips when he danced. He wants to burrow in Harry’s mouth, his arms, never leave. Last night, Harry had stretched, a flex of his biceps. His shirt had creeped up to reveal washboard abs and the softened patch of his belly. His intelligent remarks and quips during the films had been a burr under Cisco’s skin. Without warning, a blanket of arousal drapes over him. It sends a shockwave to every nerve in his body. He embraces the alteration in his body’s response. He’s a little concerned but not surprised how easily his brain switches. Fear and excitement aren’t that far apart.

Cisco lathers his hair. He allows the arousal to swirl inside him, ignoring it for now. He thoroughly washes. He flicks through thoughts of Harry like a slideshow. He turns the water off. He reaches through the curtain, folding over the edge of the tub. He opens his drawer and brought out the lube. He slicks his hand and slips his fingers around his dick. He bites his lip to stay silent. He imagines Harry’s lips on his, then working at his neck. He bucks his hips as he used his thumb to circle his nipple. He pressed his hand flat to his stomach and slid his palm up and down his damp skin. His breath picks up and punches from his throat in soft gasps. He fucks into the tight circle of his other hand.

Harry’s face appears, like something right out of his wet dreams. Cisco yelps. His traitorous balls drew up at the sight of a barely awake and very naked Harry. He grips the base of his dick just in time to keep from coming. Harry holds the curtain open, leg poised to step in. Cisco wants to drag his tongue along Harry’s thigh. Harry looks up and sees Cisco, whose palm, for some reason, has decided to continue working himself off.

Cisco jerks his hands away. “I wasn’t masturbating!”  

Harry removes his leg and narrows his eyes, as though trying to parse if Cisco was real, or perhaps how he got in the shower. Cisco stands frozen, arms above his head. Harry’s brain is still blurred from sleep. Cisco seems far away and his form unstable.

Cisco feels his eyes rove from his chest to his feet. Cisco wants to evaporate. He’s caught by the heat of Harry’s gaze.

It is too much to look at all at once, seems like miles of smooth skin. Harry takes in the sight of his abdomen, slightly firmed from practice as Vibe. He hadn’t pictured that Cisco would have so much chest hair. His freckles stand out on heated skin, flushed from both his activity and the steam. His eyes dart away from the perked nipples before he can get any poor ideas. Cisco has strong thighs and lovely shaped calves. His toes are curled in the thin layer of water. The drain probably needs cleaned out, which isn’t surprising given Cisco’s amount of hair on his head and otherwise.

He lingers on his crotch, where Cisco’s flushed cock is exposed and perked. It’s obvious what he’d been doing, even if Harry hadn’t noticed when Cisco was still in action. Harry takes a sharp inhale. His knuckles were turning whiter where he gripped the shower curtain. Cisco has a thick, pretty cock. Harry wants to melt to his knees and suck him off. He looks like he’d been interrupted just on the brink.

Recovering from his shock, Cisco quickly covers himself. He stares back at Harry in absolute horror. Harry doesn’t know why, they’re dating, and he’s gorgeous. Perhaps, Cisco doesn’t want himself revealed this soon. Cisco’s dick meanwhile, hasn’t gotten the memo. It’s still interested in the proceedings. Cisco makes the mistake of looking down, Harry’s dick coming into view. He’s hard, the head beaded with pre-come.

Harry clears his throat and waves him out. Thankfully, he turns and allows Cisco his privacy. He experiences a surge of guilt for taking such a long drink of Cisco’s naked form. Cisco is clearly uncomfortable about it. He mumbles an apology.

Cisco clambers over the tub and yanks a towel around his waist. “Are you serious. Didn’t you hear the shower running?”

“I did not.”

“New rule: Knock before entering any room,” Cisco says.

“Look at it this way, Ramon, we’re even.”

“That doesn’t actually make me feel better.” Cisco pauses to splash cold water on his face. “And it’s worse because I’ve seen you for real this time.”

“Why not? We’re both men here.” Harry seems to believe in his reply.

Cisco rolls his eyes. Harry thinks he’s being rational.

Harry would’ve hoped with everything out in the open, there wouldn’t be room for shyness when the time came. He studies Cisco’s expression. It must not be the same for him. Harry doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with Cisco being self-conscious. He just hopes it isn’t because of people telling him the wrong things, and him internalizing them. If that’s so, he’ll have to kiss Cisco from head to toe and tell him he’s perfect until it sinks in. That could take forever, but Harry doesn’t care. Maybe he would never change Cisco’s mind. But it was worth trying, he wouldn’t have Cisco believe Harry thought any less of him.

At least neither of them would have anything, as far as physical appearance, to hide. His moles and scars were in view. Cisco is beautifully unblemished. Harry would’ve adored him regardless, but he wants to run his fingers over and over those inches and inches of smooth skin that hasn't been battered. Harry has to remind himself Cisco does have scars, on the inside. He wonders if Cisco would revel in Harry’s broken terrain or flinch away from it. He doesn't seem bothered. It’s a reason Harry is glad for Cisco to see him before they’re intimate. Assuming they will be, as Harry realizes he didn’t exactly inquire.

“That’s old-fashioned. Don’t assume everyone will just be comfortable with bearing themselves around the same gender.” Cisco puts his hands on his hips, staring at the ceiling. “And. I was. You know. And - I didn’t owe you a full frontal either -”

“My point is, we’ve seen each other naked. Your knowledge is balanced with mine,” Harry interrupts and crosses his arms.

He can’t let a person finish their sentence. He tries not to wonder if Harry is still hard. He fails.

Harry wants to laugh at the absurdity. Here they are, standing around like idiots with erections. He’s tempted to know the result if he would spin and kiss Cisco. After all the confusion, Harry concludes it’s better to give him space.

Cisco shakes his head. He accepts that reply and goes quiet. That isn’t the worst way of thinking of it. Knowing what Harry’s member looked like had been one thing, and not a hardship besides. He’s embarrassed that Harry would see what was under his clothes when he looked at Cisco. Whether he intended to or not. At least out of the deal, during his sessions Cisco would be able to picture Harry completely. To an extent anyway, it’s not like he had every scar and freckle mapped.

Harry watches Cisco as he’s about to leave. He wants to ask him to stay, even though he just got clean. Cisco’s towel has an opinion. It promptly slips off when he swings the door open.

Harry makes a noise in his throat. Cisco could swear he can feel the heat of Harry’s gaze, which would have been granted a good look at his back and ass. Cisco heard the swish of the curtain. The water turns on, accompanied by a low groan. Cisco trips on his towel.

Harry turned on the cold water and groaned in frustration. He desperately wants to relieve the aching, but with Cisco so close it’s risky. There seems a wrongness to it for Harry. They just decided to tackle this relationship thing. Cisco indicated that he wasn’t ready for the sexual aspect. Seeing Cisco naked has added a fuel to his fire. He needs to allow his body and mind a cooling session, before self-love continues. Otherwise, it would build up and he wouldn’t be able to control his reactions around Cisco. The same would happen if he abstained too long. It’s a fine line. He dunks his head under the water and empties his thoughts.

Cisco dresses in his room. He decides it might be a red polo kind of day, he needs the confidence boost. He crosses through the living room toward the kitchen. He pauses at the couch, where Harry left an article of clothing from last night. Cisco picks up Harry’s cardigan, haphazardly thrown over the back of the couch. Feeling like it was a good day to forgo shame, he took a deep whiff. The scene was divine, a combination of cologne, sweat, and something belonging solely to Harry.

A hand grabs his shoulder. Cisco screams and falls on the couch. His fingers tightly clench the material he’s holding. Harry plucks it from him. He leans close to Cisco’s ear, his breath tickling Cisco’s neck.

“What are you doing with that when I’m right here?” Harry kisses behind his ear.

Cisco panics and bolts to the kitchen.

  


«»


	5. Of Trying to Kiss You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contents include: anal sex, rimming, hair pulling, a little spanking, biting, nails digging in/scratching. Not gonna tag since this is the only chapter it's in unless someone thinks I should.
> 
> Edited: There were lines from the original draft not supposed to be there. Might make more sense toward the end now.

* * *

 

Harry isn’t sure what to think of his reaction.

Cisco impresses his new beau by smashing directly into the kitchen table. His foot catches on a chair, which clatters to the floor. He tries vainly to catch himself, instead falling in a heap to the floor. Harry strolls to the doorway. He shakes his head and smiles fondly. He curls up under the table in mortification.

Harry crouches. He softly prods at him. Cisco makes a small noise. He crawls out, feeling mildly ridiculous. He brushes away some strands hanging in his face. Something in the depths of Cisco’s mind calls his attention. He remembers he has to take his anti-anxiety pills. He had developed a heightened sense of wariness, and sometimes he started leaping at shadows. He might not need them indefinitely, but until he finds an effective coping mechanism this will do. He hurries to get it out of the drawer. Harry doesn’t ask. It’s none of his business.

After swallowing the pills, Cisco turns to see Harry staring at him. Cisco just smiles and pulls out the cereal, starts pouring it for himself. He sits to eat, and Harry is still standing there, watching him. Cisco gestures to a chair. Harry sinks into it, eyes never leaving Cisco. It’s like he’s trying to psyche him out. Harry crosses his arms, drawing Cisco’s attention to the fact he’s only wearing a T-Shirt. His muscles are accentuated.

Harry kicks his legs out. He drops an arm on the table, and moves the hand of his other to cradle his head. He leans back, allowing the too tight shirt to ride up. Cisco’s stomach jolts. He licks his lips reflexively.

Cisco realizes Harry’s wearing one of the few black shirts he owns. Cisco can’t remember where he got it or why. Large white lettering on the chest reads _Look at that body._ Below in smaller font it has: _(I work out)._ The lyrics on this cloth suits Harry far more, with the way his muscles are trying to bust free. Cisco doesn’t quite have the right sized ego to wear it a lot. He doesn’t actually exercise either, except when he’s fighting villains. He makes a mental note sometime to ask Harry when exactly he has the time and energy, maybe get in on his routine. He grits his teeth at the idea, but a flushed and sweaty Harry could be worth it.

Then again, there are alternative methods to achieving that result.  

Harry has to find out what Cisco does or doesn’t want from him. There can’t be any beating around the bush here. He opens his mouth to ask, but Cisco doesn’t give him the chance.

“Do you like it?”

Harry blinks at the non-sequitur. He casts his mind back for what Cisco could be referring to. He pulls a blank.

“What?”

Cisco inhales deeply. With Harry prancing around all fit and handsome, some of Cisco’s latent insecurities have bubbled to the surface. He doesn’t dislike his body, he just wants to correct his general lack of feedback. No comments on his looks from his sexual partners have been worse for his self esteem than negative ones would have been. He has no idea how Harry views him physically. Harry’s appreciation (or lack of) has often been clear in all other areas.

“My body. Did you like what you saw?”

Harry gently moves into his space and kneads his shoulder encouragingly. “Of course. What's not to like?”

Cisco shrugs his other shoulder. His eyes are bright. Harry is the perfect height to have quick access to a forehead kiss. He lifts Cisco’s chin with his fingers.

Harry’s eyes are consuming, intense. His pupils are dilated. Cisco uses his thumb to stroke over Harry’s lips, cheek, to the moles hiding by his ear. Harry watches Cisco transform. His eyes darken and lips tremble.

It was a bitter torment, to have been on edge with desire when Cisco was close. Some part of him knew, but couldn't admit, Cisco probably felt the same. It had been in the way his eyes lingered. Harry had ignored the mirror they presented.

Cisco rocks forward. Their lips are a hair’s breadth from meeting. Harry tests the waters, kissing the freckle at where Cisco’s dimple forms. Cisco is a statue, but he doesn’t recoil, either.

He is done trying. He leaps across the gorge and just does it. Almost like he's a snake and Cisco’s a mouse, Harry gulps him greedily. He gentles his kisses as much as possible. The starving reptile inside him is spilling over. He barely paused to savor the taste. His want wasn't hiding in the shadows. On full display, there is no point holding back. He licks at the seam of Cisco’s mouth.

Cisco is going to make him work for it. He refuses to open and hums. Harry retreats. Without warning, he bites Cisco’s ear. Cisco lets out a surprised little, “Hmm?”

Harry angles his head and licks a stripe up Cisco’s neck. He noses under his chin. He applies suction to Cisco’s pulse point. Cisco pushes him away. He holds up a hand for a moment.

“I don’t wanna stop, just wait.”

Harry can only nod. He vibrates with curiosity, unable to predict what Cisco will do next.

Cisco feels bold. He blushes at his next thought. He gulps and unties his sweatpants. Harry’s eyes track every movement. Cisco groans at the attention as he stuffs his hand in his pants. He whimpers as he palms his sack. This causes his hips to buck. Harry has to dig his fingernails into the skin of his wrist. Does this mean what Harry thinks it means? His arousal toward Cisco rockets through the roof. He trembles with the effort to keep from pouncing.

Cisco watches intently as Harry’s lips part and he pants. Pre-come trickles from Cisco’s dick. It twitches with need. Cisco inhales sharply. Harry tries to palm himself.

“No,” Cisco says crisply. He doesn’t want Harry finishing without him. Harry whines but he stops.

He grabs Harry by the hair and roughly kisses him. He pulls back in a quick movement, to prevent Harry from prolonging the kiss. Harry is drowning in his anticipation.

Cisco drops his chin to his chest. He drags his palm along his shaft. He circles his cockhead thrice with his thumb. He gathers as much of his essence as possible. He pulls his hand out, and flips it, palm up. Harry is shown the glistening surfaces. His nostrils flare and his tongue darts between his lips. Cisco smirks. Cisco’s other hand is still in his hair.

He tilts Harry’s head. He moves closer. His gaze is so heated, Cisco is surprised his hand doesn’t light on fire. It certainly causes a persistent burning under Cisco’s skin. Harry is hoping Cisco will let him taste. This indirectness might be more frustrating than satisfying, but he will take it where he can get it.

“Will you hold me?”

Harry’s hands move to the small of his back. Cisco brings his fingers up. He smears what’s on his palm across Harry’s lips first. He pushes Harry’s bottom lip down with his thumb, a question in his eyes. Harry opens his mouth a little. His tongue flicks out to lick between his fingers. Cisco presses his fingers inward. Harry’s low moan seems loud in the tiny kitchen. Cisco flexes his wrist, and his fingers disappear deeper into Harry’s mouth. Harry’s eyes roll back. Cisco tenses slightly as Harry’s hand moves to cup his ass. He doesn’t do more than that. It is simply a warm, solid presence.

Cisco keeps his forearm steady as he shifts to kiss Harry’s neck. He has dreamed of this neck. He applies soft, almost butterfly light kisses, from below his ear to his clavicle. Harry’s stolen shirt also has a low collar, exposing his collarbones. Cisco sighs against Harry’s skin.

Harry catches his gaze. He hollows his cheeks and sucks relentlessly. Cisco squeezes his eyes shut and keens. His stomach is flooded with lust. The sounds seem to be ripped from him. Harry delightfully tears through him. He circles his fingers with his tongue. He pulls them out and nibbles at the end. The pleasure is a combination of silky caresses and sharp claws.  


Harry takes more of his fingers and his eyes slip closed. He pushes them in as far as possible. He’s already hard again. He either needs them to move forward or escape to take care of himself. Harry’s eyes flutter open. He grips the back of the chair beside him.

He almost expected to wake up from this wonderful dream, where Cisco is in front of him, touching him. Doubts suddenly creep in, unfolding around him. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve this incredible man. He grips Cisco’s wrist and pumps his fingers in and out. It serves as a distraction. He refocuses on pleasing Cisco. Harry groans and hums, careful not to push the fingers in too aggressive. Cisco images the same noises around his dick, he ponders how it might feel. When his fingers reach the tip of Harry’s tongue, he closes his lips. He tugs his fingers out with a wet noise. Cisco brings their foreheads together and moans. When he looks up again, Harry is unbuttoning his jeans. He reintroduces Cisco’s fingers to the wet cavern of his mouth and swirls his tongue.

Harry’s groans, his flushed cock on display, along with the obscene sucking noise, serve to almost make Cisco come in his pants. Cisco thinks he will unravel if he continues like this. He can barely stand.

Cisco cries in a quivering voice, “St _aw_ \- I can’t - Ba - Bulbasaur.”

Harry is uncertain what that has to do with anything. At first, he isn’t even sure what Cisco has said. Something in his expression tells Harry to stop. It thrums through Harry, shoving past his blinding arousal. He allows Cisco to yank his fingers free. He tucks his member back in his pants. Cisco yanks his fingers free. His knees give out, and he hugs Harry with both arms. He rests his head on Harry’s hip and took slow breaths. His balls complain. He wants to come so badly. But he can’t, not yet. He places his hand over Harry’s on the chair.

“S-sorry. That’s my safeword. I don’t need it much but,” Cisco explains, “sometimes I get overstimulated, and I don’t want it to be over.”

“No need to apologize. I have one, it’s Einstein,” Harry reassures him. He gets overwhelmed occasionally. There are times when he strives for that, other times when he needs it gradual.

Cisco slowly stands up, shaky as hell. Harry catches him as he stumbles forward. Cisco grips Harry’s biceps. His knees are so weak. Harry guides him to collapse in a chair. Cisco’s crotch throbbed. He gazes at Harry’s obvious bulge.

“About uh - one step at a time - can I rescind that?”

Cisco’s voice sounds strange to his own ears, husky and desperate as it is. His tongue is lead. Harry looks his dead in the eye. He brushes his fingers through Cisco's hair. His expression is wary. They’ve made it this far without Cisco freaking out. But Harry isn’t about to let his guard down.

“Are you certain? It’s no trouble -”

“I was dumb. I want to make love,” Cisco tells him. He flattens both hands on Harry’s chest.

“You weren't dumb sweetheart.”

He's annoyed at Cisco belittling himself like that. He'll be talking about it later. There's no shame in caution and limits to temper one’s excitement. He'd rather Cisco be aware of his boundary than stumble in blindfolded.

“You’re clean right? Just so you know… I haven’t… had anyone since… since…”

“As a whistle.”

Harry bends to kiss him. Their lips dance, and Cisco fills Harry’s mouth with his tongue. He tastes the roof of his mouth, his teeth, his tongue. Harry glides his tongue over Cisco’s and moans. Cisco withdraws. Something that doesn’t need words passes between them. Harry pushes his polo up in the back. Cisco pulls it the rest of the way off. He almost goes to take off his shoes, but recalls that he just has socks. He sees that Harry has gone for barefoot.

Harry drops his pants. He has no underwear. Cisco whines. Harry’s gaze doesn’t leave him even as he leans over the kitchen table. Cisco is glad he keeps a container of lube in every section of the house. He produces it from the drawer, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry responds with a smirk and a shake of his ass. Cisco rapidly removes his pants as a personal record pace. He pushes Harry’s shirt up, kissing the knobs of his spine. He lets the garment pool on the table, still around his arms. Cisco wraps an arm around his abdomen. For a moment he just enjoys the feeling of Harry’s skin against his. Harry groans a little. He gives a playful jerk of his hips. Cisco slaps him on the thigh. Harry sighs impatiently.

Cisco coats his fingers in lube. He inserts the first, noticing how different it feels from his mouth. It's no less wonderful. He starts to slide his finger in and out. Harry wants more, but he can't quite express it. Cisco senses he's relaxed and adds another, watching his face. He doesn't tense. He scissors his fingers, pulling a soft moan from Harry.

Cisco drags his fingers across Harry’s prostate. Harry’s legs shake.

“Cisco… like that… again,” Harry grunts.

Cisco obeys. Harry tries to buck, but Cisco clutches his hips. Harry groans in protest. Cisco takes a handful of his hair and tugs. Harry keens at the welcome sting in his scalp.

“Alright?” Cisco whispers. “Do you enjoy a bit of pain?”

Harry struggles to reply. Cisco pauses.

“Harry? I need you to answer me.”

“Yes,” Harry gasps, “I like it. If you don’t mind giving it.”

Cisco tugs again. He bites on the space between Harry’s chin and neck. He works his way down nipping and tugging the skin with his teeth. Harry can only groan and gasp.

“Yes, keep doing - yes, yes.”

Cisco smiles into his neck. He adds a third finger in him, spreading him wide. He strives to leave Harry utterly breathless and incoherent. He wants to make Harry unable to think about anything but him. Cisco will shove in and completely consume his neurons and synapses.

“Cisco. I want - I need -” Harry cuts himself off with a moan.

Cisco prods, “What do you need?”

“Inside me. Impale me silly on your delicious cock.”

Cisco is hardly going to keep him waiting after that. He tosses his head back. He hopes he doesn't come too early. He closes his eyes to gather himself. Harry’s eyes skate over him.

“Get a move on already Ramon.”

“Patience is a vir -”

“Shove your patience up my ass or so help me,” Harry snaps.

Cisco inhales and draws back. His eyes flick to Harry’s. He is watchful as he raises his hand. He brings it down on Harry in three thwacks. Harry yelps and jerks. His forehead tips to the table, and he lets out a shaky breath.

“You won’t have anything in your ass if you don’t behave,” Cisco growls.

Harry’s stomach clenches. Hearing Cisco like this, witnessing him losing control, it’s heady. He twists his shirt in his fist. Cisco reaches to tease his balls with slick fingers. He kneels briefly to kiss the red marks on his ass. Cisco stands. Harry looks back at him and licks his lips. Cisco’s cock twitches, and he knows it’s time.

He lines his dick up to the hole. Harry spreads his legs as far apart as he reasonably can. Cisco presses inside with a small thrust. He gasps at the inferno that swallows his head. He’s crying out as the sleeve of heat envelopes his member bit by bit. Harry chews on his lip. Filling him completely is a borderline religious experience. He worships at the altar of Harry’s ass. He waits for Harry to adjust. The channel fluttering around him makes things difficult.

To Harry, it seems like an eternity that he waits for Cisco to move. He feels ready. His tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth. A low growl emanates from his throat. It doesn’t convince Cisco. His hole clenches, and his dick is firm as steel and dripping. A whimper crawls up his throat, he tightens his lips in an effort to prevent it. The sound escapes. Cisco gives light experimental thrusts. All it does is tease Harry further.

“You gonna beg for me babe?”

“No.”

Harry jumps when Cisco’s hand knocks against his dick. It’s less contact than he’s yearning to get.

“Are you sure? Some parts of you seem to disagree.” Cisco’s tone is honey sweet and obnoxious.

Cisco plays at Harry’s slit with the very tip of his index finger. Harry shakes with need. Cisco slides the pad of his finger back and forth. Harry hisses out through his teeth. He can’t stand it any longer. He grumbles for Cisco to fuck him.

“What was that?” Cisco’s voice is gentle, but his tone is a clear taunt. Harry could’ve strangled him.

“Fuck me darling boy,” Harry pleads. “Fucking _fuck_ me already!”

“I will. I'll fuck the arrogance right out of you.”

Cisco rolls his hips, holding fast. His fingernails dig in. There will probably be pink crescents left in his skin. Harry groans. Cisco wraps his fingers around Harry’s cock. It is pumped through the circle of his hand with every thrust.

“Harder Ramon,” Harry growls. “I'm not asking for a spa treatment, put your back into it.”

Harry seems impossible to shut up.

“My cock will make you sore for days. You'll be lucky if you're able to sit down,” Cisco claims.

“Yes, Ramon give me -”

Cisco braces himself. He snaps his hips forward, earning a yell that dissolves into a pleased moan. Cisco continues to grind him to the finish line. He sets a brutal pace, barely allowing Harry to catch his breath. His ass is a hot embrace around Cisco’s cock, sending a rush to his brain. Cisco can’t stop moaning to get a good bite into Harry’s neck, but he tries. He just leaves a trail of pink, covered in saliva.

He moves his hands, allowing Harry to roll into him. The alteration punches a sharp sound from Harry. Cisco knows he has struck gold and continues at that angle. He rakes his nails across Harry’s nipples. He pinches and presses those hardened buttons. Harry makes encouraging noises. The sweet twinge is combined with the head-spinning attack on his sensitive organ. It’s a soothing mix of sensation.

“That’s it,” Harry says. “That’s perfect.”

Cisco feels himself getting close. His thighs burn and his balls are tight from so much denial in such a short span. He can’t decide if he wants Harry to come first, or suck him off after Cisco finishes. He doesn’t get the opportunity to ask Harry’s opinion.

Harry babbles, “Please, Cisco. So good Cisco, so good, oh god, oh god.”

Harry climaxes, choking on Cisco’s name. His release arcs and coats the table, his stomach, and Cisco’s hand. He goes limp, bathing in the afterglow. Harry can’t believe that just left his mouth. Anyone else, and he’d be embarrassed. Cisco aches as he teeters on the brink. Harry could swear he feels him throbbing.

Harry murmurs, “No more. Out. ”

Cisco smirks at his inability to produce an eloquent sentence. He pulls carefully, his cock leaving Harry’s exhausted hole. Harry steps out of his pants and lets his shirt slip to the table. Harry sets a hand between his shoulder blades. He guides Cisco until he’s leaning on the counter. Sated, he’s lucid enough to admire the view. Cisco peeks at him, feeling as though he’s been draped with silk. Unlike earlier, he is comfortable being devoured by Harry’s eyes. He can’t pinpoint exactly when or how that changed. He doesn’t care. He relaxes into it, warm and happy and at the verge of orgasm.

Harry kneels behind him. He spreads Cisco’s cheeks and licks the length of his crack. Cisco yelps. His knee jerks, hitting against the drawers. Harry soothes the injury with his tongue too. He returns to Cisco’s ass and circles his entrance. He blindly opens the lube he brought over with him and coats his fingers. They join his tongue, loosening Cisco, turning him into a mess.

Harry briefly stops to ask, “Do you need to me to touch your cock?”

“Nope, what you’re doing is just fine,” Cisco manages to whine. “If you stroke me there I think my skin might peel off.”

Cisco places both hands on the counter. He gasps, his lungs clawing for air. His nails scrabble on the surface when Harry twists his fingers a certain way. He burrows in until Cisco finds his bliss. He's almost silent, but for a soft cry as he initially comes. 

Harry turns and curls his hands around Cisco’s elbows. He sways slightly, blown away. Harry kisses him, a feather touch. He lingers there, then studies Cisco’s face. Cisco combs his fingers through his hair, to bring back some order. He gives Harry the same treatment. Harry smiles, pleased and lighter than air. The strong fragrance of sex has filled the kitchen. Cisco returns from another plane of existence, not literally, as he is capable. He quickly wipes and disinfects the place.

Harry is upon him. Cisco looks up at him from under his eyelashes. Harry’s chest flushes at the sight. Cisco wets his lips and massages Harry’s thighs. Distantly, Harry can feel a slight burn in his ass that will likely worsen tomorrow. He isn't bothered. Harry grinds their crotches together. Despite just spending himself, Cisco’s cock perks with interest.

“Again.”

Cisco clicks his tongue. “Bossy man. Haven’t you learned anything?”

Harry leers at him and cants his hips.

“Breach me sideways. Alright, insatiable dick.”

Harry is infuriating and amazing. Cisco walks to the living room, swaying his hips. Harry nearly bites his tongue in half. Cisco throws a gesture at him, and he follows in pursuit. The couch squeaks in protest as they tumble onto the cushions, attached at the lips.

 

 

«»


	6. Risk (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and to those who've left kudos and comments! It means a lot.

* * *

 

After Flashtime, after sharing his memories with Jesse, Harry contemplates his life. Being with Cisco has caused a new path to emerge before him. His daughter is her own woman, his wife is sorely missed but long gone. The war may never truly leave him, present in the echoes of his dreams and the criminals they fight. Some of those horrors exist in Cisco’s eyes. He wishes he can wipe it away. 

He realizes he was clinging to his wife, even after he knew he had fallen for Cisco. He was afraid to allow their relationship to progress. He had worried he was all wrong for Cisco. He wasn't sure Jesse’s mother would approve. Going back to Earth two had been a little to help Jesse and a little to run from his fears. Regardless, those fears were hot on his heels anyway. He took his internal problems to his daughter’s life, tortured her growing team with them. He no longer wants to hurt anyone with his barbed wire, least of all Cisco. He is the most at risk now. 

His late wife isn’t here, and Cisco  _ is _ here. Cisco appears, as though he sensed that Harry was thinking about him. Cisco looks awkwardly at Jesse and bites his lip. Harry’s face is drawn, clearly he was taxing his brain. Cisco saunters in. Closer, he can see the tears in Harry’s eyes. He wonders at the cause, but he isn’t sure how to ask politely. 

Cisco shuffles to pluck one of Harry’s projects, a curious device he hasn’t seen. He rolls it in his hand. He examines the blueprint beside it.  He’s too sore, tired, and distracted to make heads or tails. He imagines Harry’s working on yet another idea to defeat that fiend, who seems to be more his nemesis than the Flash’s at this rate. 

Jesse supplies, “He used that to communicate his thoughts with me.”

Cisco gapes at her, then at Harry. “You invented telepathy?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

Cisco rambles, “You’re freaking Professor X! Sort of. Minus the whole mutant deal, which is more impressive if you ask me. I’d prefer if you didn’t lose your hair though. I like your terrible, adorable hair.”

Jesse and Harry blink at him.

“All you need is the wheel -” Cisco’s expression darkens. “Nevermind. Forget it.”

Harry rubs his eyes and sighs. His glasses dangle from his fingers. Cisco leans forward a marginal amount. There’s distant aches here and there, in his shoulder especially. 

“My arm still hurts,” Cisco complains in a low voice. Harry glances at him and at his shoulder. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Harry deadpans. 

Cisco snorts. “Didn’t ask you. Dick.”

“It’s in my pants. Do you need a visual?”

“Harry, I fucking swear I will –”

“You just did,” Harry cuts in. He smirks. 

Cisco opens his mouth, for some reason his hand deciding to wrap around Harry’s bicep. Big mistake. His face heats up at the feel of his musculature. The contact sizzles under his skin and settles in his stomach. Harry squints at the offending appendage. He raises his eyebrows at Cisco. He should pull away, but he stares at Harry dumbly.

“Cat got your tongue?”

That’s the final straw. “No, but he’s gonna get mine if he doesn’t shut up.”

Jesse coughs into her fist pointedly. They had completely forgotten about her presence. Harry turns to her. Cisco is amused by the pink now dusting Harry’s cheeks. 

“I hate to ask this… Can I have a minute alone with Harry?” 

Jesse tilts her head and squints, as though the two of them are a baffling puzzle. She throws her hands up and stalks out. Cisco doesn’t think his request has earned him any potential future step-dad points.

Harry licks his lips. He inhales, lips parting. Cisco is filled with the rush of  **Danger, enter at your own risk.** Cisco drags his tongue over Harry’s lips, from the bottom to the top. He leaves him with a soft peck. The adrenaline fades, he’s left with a fast beating heart. 

Harry blinks. He rubs his thumb across the place Cisco has laved. Cisco holds his breath. Harry grabs his jaw, kissing his lips lightly. He looks Cisco in the eye for a moment. He dives back in, kissing him fully, hot and wet. It’s gentle, yet Cisco can sense his hunger. 

Cisco places a hand on his chest. He pushes him back. 

“What are we doing?”

“I think young folk call it making out,” Harry says, putting a nasally effect on his voice. Cisco rolls his eyes. 

“Yes. Great. Let’s talk about why you were crying?”

“I wasn’t. I. I got a little emotional, not the  _ same _ as… crying.”

“If it helps you sleep at night,” Cisco bites. “I just want to know you’re not acting impulsively, in regards to this relationship.”

“Me. Impulsive?”

“You have your moments.”

“And you’re the one that kissed me with my daughter in the hallway.”

“Don’t give me that,” Cisco snaps. “You were baiting me and you know it.”

Harry falls quiet. Cisco drowns in his blue eyes. His love for Harry is surely no secret by now. He doesn’t know where Harry stands. Is he looking for a bit of stress relief or a commitment? Harry averts his gaze. He taps the earpiece of his glasses on the edge of his mouth.

“Cisco I – you know I respect you, right? You’re a strong, intelligent, overall amazing young man.”

Cisco clears his throat. “If you’re gonna tell me you think we should just not do this, I’ll walk out of here right now. I’ll level with you. I won’t be able to go back.”

“Good.” Harry curls his hand, and he strokes Cisco’s cheek with his knuckles. “I’ve never been more ready to fall in love.”

A surprised nervous laugh bursts out of Cisco. He bites the skin of his wrist. Heat rises to his cheeks. “Sorry that wasn’t - I’m  _ so _ awkward.”

Harry gives a kiss to his wrist. “So am I. We can be a disaster together.”

Cisco can’t help kissing him again. He can’t continue because of the bubbling joy threatening to split his face in half. “Sounds fun. I henceforth dub us Harrisco.”

A feral grin breaks Harry’s somber expression. “Fantastic name. I  _ like _ it.”

Cisco sobers and crosses his arms. He persists, “Why were you crying?”

“I. I was sharing memories with Jesse of her mother. I don’t have any hang-ups I promise it’s just… it helped me internally accept that it’s OK to move on.”

Jesse pipes in, “Why would you think it isn’t?” 

The pair whirl on her. Cisco really hopes she didn’t see him kissing her dad. She had to witness their awful flirting, that seems like torture enough. 

“Jesse… there's something I need to tell you.”

Jesse looks at Harry surprised. She waits, drumming her fingers nervously on her hip. 

“I'm in love with Cisco. And we're together.”

Cisco drops an arm on Harry’s shoulders. Harry takes comfort in the warm weight. 

“I hope this won't bother you,” Cisco adds. “We can keep it on the DL while you're around if you want.”

He doesn't want to lose the camaraderie they have. Jesse smiles, observing their easygoing presence with each other. She's pleased they figured themselves out before she had to intervene. 

“Are you happy dad?”

Harry glanced at Cisco, eyes shiny. Cisco kisses his cheek, trying to prevent a goofy grin happening. 

“Yes. Very.”

“Then that's all that matters.” Jesse bounds over and hugs Cisco. He sags with relief. “Welcome to the family.”

Harry wants to remark that she's a little too soon and optimistic. He keeps it to himself. His love for them swells in his chest until he can barely breathe.

“Thank you,” Cisco replies in a shaky voice. 

A lump has formed in his throat. The gratitude seems not enough. He doesn't know how to express what Jesse’s blessing means to him. 

He wraps his arms around Harry, and together they leak soft tears of joy. 

“Now if we're all done blubbering,” Jesse remarks while wiping her eyes, “who's up for Jitters?”

Harry kisses her on top of the head. He wraps an arm around each of them. He is on board. He looks at his boyfriend. He’s still not accustomed to thinking of Cisco as something other than friend and teammate. It’s exhilarating each instance. 

Cisco leans into him with a sigh. “Great idea. I need a boost if I'm gonna keep Harry on his toes.”

Harry pinches him. “Ow! Uncalled for!”

“Your ass is uncalled for, but it exists to taunt me anyway.”

“You just can't handle these buns, hun,” Cisco shoots back. 

He slaps Harry’s butt and jogs away before Harry can grab him. 

Jesse starts to giggle. Cisco has to stop and brace himself on the wall as he loses it. Harry rolls his eyes but chuckles along helplessly. The world stops as their eyes meet. Cisco grins, warm and relaxed. Indeed, for so many years, he has rarely been happier.

 

 

«»


End file.
